You really don’t care what others think about you?

- This is public school. If I can keep the girls off the pole and the boys off the pipe, I get a bonus.

- Don’t you think it’s a little strange that your boyfriend is 22 years old and still in high school?
- Not that it’s any of your busniess, trollop, but he is here by choice.
- So it’s his choice that he’s a fourth year senior who can’t pass any test he takes?
- No, silly,
- His. His, with a capital H. If God wanted him to graduate than God would have given him the right answers.
- I’m sorry, but, you gotta be shittin’ me, woman.

- Any friend of Olive’s is a friend of my daughter.

- That’s the one thing that trumps religion… capitalism.

- The family member of the week gets to pick the movie.
- You get family member of the week every week.
- And there’s a reason for that.
- Yeah, you pick family member of the week!
- Are you accusing me of nepotism?

- I don’t know what your generation’s fascination is with documenting your every thought… but I can assure you, they’re not all diamonds. “Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof.” Who gives a rat’s ass?

- You’re being pretty cavalier about this. Aren’t you supposed to be eternally in love with him and shit?
- Yes… I believe so, if I was the Gossip Girl in Sweet Valley of the Traveling Pants.

- I’m the guidance counselor; I should know all the students, especially the ones that dress like prostitutes.

- We’ve had nine classes together since Kindergarten… ten if you count Religion of Other Cultures, which you didn’t because you called it science fiction and refused to go.

- George is not a sexy name. George is like what you name your teddy bear, not the name you wanna scream out during climax.

- The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated.

- [to Olive] You’ve made your bed… I just hope for your sake, you’ve cleaned the sheets.

- He’s not the sharpest Christian in the bible.

- Perhaps you should embroider a red A on your wardrobe, you abominable tramp.
- Perhaps you should get a wardrobe, you abominable twat.

- So, what’s with your new look? It’s very whore couture.

- Relax. Jesus. What is with you gays? Are you really that repulsed by lady parts? What do you think I have down there? A gnome?

- Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80′s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80′s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.

- I want a one hundred dollar gift card deposited into my locker by noon tomorrow. Preferably to The Gap, but I’d also take Amazon.com, or Office Max. Actually make it Office Max – I have my eye on a label maker. We did not have sex. I let you fondle my chest, and it was a glorious moment for you. Unmatched by anything you have heretofore experienced… including cake.

- After we watch “The Bucket List,” remember to cross “watch ‘The Bucket List’” off our bucket list.

- Blech! Worst song ever!

- Screw all these people, Olive!
- Haven’t you heard? I already did.

- Let the record show that I, Olive Penderghast, being of sound mind and below average breast-size, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth… starting now.

- Where are you from originally?

- Looks like someone’s on a downward spiral.
- Looks like someone’s practicing the mundane activity she’ll be saddled with the rest of her pathetic life.

- Who have you been sleeping with? You tell me right now or I will kill you!

- I want every detail!
- Rhi!
- Now bitch.
- You know, you call me bitch a lot okay. It’s not really a term of endearment.
- I want every detail, now shit face.
- You’re not really heading the right direction.
- Tell me!

- I think we should just put this conversation to bed.
- Fine. Don’t come camping with us, just know I hate you bitch. Go get your chocolate milk.

- Now you’re a super slut like me.
- I don’t think letting Peter Hedlin motorboat you behind a Bed, Bath, and Beyond really makes you a super slut.
- There were a lot of people walking past, okay, someone could have easily seen.

- Hey Olive.
- Oh my God! The illusion is shattered! This is exactly why they put you in the gas chamber if you take your head off at Disney World.
- Actually I think they just, you know, they fire you. You’re thinking of Disneyland. Disney World is much more liberal.
- Oh yeah! I always forget Disney World went blue in the last election.

- Due to his “condition,” Micah was sent on an extended visit to his grandparents’ in Palatka, Florida. And if there’s one thing worse than chlamydia, it’s Florida.

- I could have chlamydia. I have been… whoring around a lot.
- No, honey. No you haven’t. Because a real whore can’t even admit it to herself, let alone another person.

- Hey Olive! You left your glass slipper at the party the other night.
- Yea and I got pumpkin all over my dress too. C’est La Vie.
- La Vie.
- Nice! Solid joke.

- Whats your problem?
- You really want to know what my problem is?
- No actually that was a rhetorical question. I don’t want to know anything from you.
- We are not friends anymore.
- Oh.
- We are officially over!
- OH RATS!
- Hey I want my Juicy sweat shirt back! It’s way to loose around your chest anyway!
- Ohhhhh burn!

- Just because you lost your virginity doesn’t mean you can go around throwing your cat at everybody!

- You know, I dated a homosexual once. Actually I dated him for a long time.
- Oh god, please don’t tell me you married and had two kids with him.
- Oh no. Your father’s straight. Maybe a little too straight, if you know what I mean girlfriend!

- Notoriety for whatever reason, never seems to benefit the noted, only the ‘notees’.

- I just hope for your sake you had the good sense to use protection.
- Why? Your parents didn’t.

- People thought I was a dirty skank? Fine. I’d be the dirtiest skank they’ve ever seen.

- Please tell me the rumors are true!
- Yes. Yes, I am a big fat slut.
- No, no! Not that one. The one where you got suspended for calling Nina Howell a dick and punched her in the left tit.
- I worry about the way information circulates at this school.

- So what’s with your new look? It’s very whore couture.
- Oh, haven’t you heard? I’m the new school slut.
- You know, I did hear something. I also heard he was twice your age.
- Oh, no no no no. He was a freshman in college.
- I also heard he gave you crabs.
- Ew! People suck!
- Tell me about it.

- Oh, happy day, Mama! Oh, I thought I was gonna have to spend my dowry on booze and pills to numb the loneliness. A gentleman caller, hurray!

- Welcome. This is where the magic happens. And as we all know, by “magic” I mean “nothing.”

- So they got Rhiannon. Never under estimate the power of extremists like Marianne. They sense any weaknesses, they pounce like jungle cats. And the whack pack just gets bigger and bigger. But at least they have a pack. I was used to being by myself, but I have never felt more alone.

- Do you have a religion section?
- It’s right over there. Can I help you with something?
- The Bible.
- That’s in bestsellers, right next to Twilight.

- You know, know the sad thing is, Evan, if you’d been a gentleman and maybe asked me out on a date I might’ve said yes.
- Really? Do you wanna go out with me?
- Not now I don’t, shit-dick.

- I used to be anonymous, invisible to the opposite sex. If Google Earth were a guy couldn’t find me if I was dressed up as a 10-story building.

- Not to mention how have you been dressing this past few day. No judgement, but you kind of look like striper
- Mom!
- A high-end stripper, for governors or athletes.

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