The truth about love, just kidding

- Can I do an accent?
- Give me your best shot.
- [British accent] Hello.
- No. 

- I want the meeting with Blondie to be at J.D. McFunnigan's?
- How about Charlie Choo-choos because it's right down the street from me?
- You mention that slop-hole again, and I walk. 

- Mom, before we go can I make a Devlin? 

- So, where's Danny?
- Devlin, Danny is at his wedding.
- Come again?
- I was never married to him. All a big lie I made up.
- Why?
- Because I couldn't stand the thought of you knowing the truth.
- Really?
- So, yeah. I'm a single mother. I have two kids I love more than anything in the world. I drive a Honda, I still have dial-up internet. I got a 2.7 GPA in college, not a 3.4. And while I'm at it telling the truth, I name my kids' poop after you. And I work for Danny. I'm his assistant. That's it.
- Really? I would never have guessed this. I mean, you two had a real connection.
- He's great, he's the greatest guy, and I might even be in love with him, but it really doesn't matter at this moment because he is getting married to another person, right now.
- Ian and I are breaking up.
- What? What happened?
- Well for starters, he's gay. I mean look at him
- That's a strong muscle, right there. I'm squeezin'.
- Devlin, I gotta tell you, last night, with the ass grab of the coconut, little bit of a red flag.
- I've seen him do that with the soap.
- Oh! What about the iPod?
- He didn't invent shit. He made his money suing the Dodgers after he got hit by a foul ball.
- Oh God! So what?
- Well, this is different?
- Yeah, I mean, why didn't we try this truth telling thing before?
- I don't know.
- Aww, that's nice. It's nice to tell the truth. The truth is fun, isn't it? Like were you telling the truth when you said you might be in love with me?
- I'm gonna leave you two. Gotta go get a divorce. 

- Hello, Dr. Danny, how are you today?
- What's with the accent?
- She's been working on some accents.
- I'll be taking acting classes and become the next Miley Cyrus, yes I am.
- How about you there, do you like Hannah Montana?
- No, I'm more into Californication.
- When do you ever watch Californication?
- Rose lets us watch HBO when she calls her boyfriend. 

- Where does the name Devlin come from?
- She was an old sorority sister from college. She was my friend, yet I hated her.
- A frenemy.
- Anyway, I got tired to them saying "I have to take a crap" and "I have to take a dump". So I told them it was called a Devlin. And they liked it. And it stuck. 

- I would create a fake family for that. 

- So Bart, if you could be anyone else, who would it be?
- Mr. Dechesray.
- Our mailman?
- He just seems to have it all figured out. 

- So Michael, your dad tells me you like to go to the bathroom.
- When I feel it, I do it. 

- You dropped your...
- Can I sit for ten seconds without getting hit on?
- I was just going to tell you you dropped your purse. 

- I'm just happy to hear that his thing-a-ding can still ring-a-ding. 

- What's her name?
- Mrs. Maccabee. You mean her first name? Her first name is Devlin.
- Her first name is Devlin?
- Yeah, I know. Isn't that a shitty name? 

- Mommy! That man put his pee-pee on my face!
- What? He put his face in my pee-pee! 

- You have kids?
- Huh? Hmmm?
- You have children?
- We have, sort of, a little bit of children right?

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